“If you have thoughts of Christ they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.” – Donna Garrett
Category Archives: Faith
“The more you give, the more you will receive and have.”
“Your presence is a present.” – Ramona Wifvat
Are you dating your spouse?
Many couples have a date night every week. This is a special night every week that the couple goes out and does something together.
Date nights for many couples are nights marked on the calendar that are kept no matter what. These are important. They allow the couple to have time together to talk and spend time alone.
Another form of this are date weekends. Couples should get away at least 3 – 4 times a year. This may be a staycation. Somebody takes the kids and you just stay at your own place alone for the weekend.
It could be a night or two at a local hotel or resort. This can also be a weekend get away out of town. My wife and I recently did one of these and we had a great weekend.
If you have young children sometimes a date night or date weekend can be hard to fit in. The date moment is the perfect solution. I think every couple with young kids or older with no kids at home should work date moments in to their daily routines. Date moments can be 60 seconds to 30 minutes of spending time together. Date moments help to keep relationships alive and healthy. Here are a few ideas.
Creative Date Moments
- A passionate kiss when you get home
- Slow Dance in the kitchen to your wife’s favorite song
- A quick prayer together
- Deck or Patio time after the kids go to bed
- A text or call during the day to see how the day is going and let them know you miss them
- Fire Pit time
- A bubble bath
- Drinking a glass of wine or your favorite beverage together
- Stopping and getting coffee on your way to an event or the store
- The time before your kids games or events in the car/truck to talk or listen to music
- Talk after the kids go to bed without the TV on
- Take a walk around the block
- Feed the kids and then eat dinner alone together
- Write a note or card to your spouse
- Intimate time after the kids are in bed
These are just a few ideas. I would be interested to hear about your date moment ideas. Please share this on your Facebook or Twitter.
Be Great!
It’s Not Always About the Mustard
I was recently with Steve Scanlon CEO of Rewire, Inc. Steve has a company that specializes in Emotional Intelligence and transforming our Lizard Brains. They work on transformation and positive change made possible through understanding the surprising truth about what motivates us and then teaching how to rewire the way we think.
We were discussing a tendency that a lot of us men have, and that is having to be right a majority of the time. Steve shared a story with me about a conversation he had with a client years ago.
There was a husband and wife at the grocery store. She was going to put a bottle of mustard in the cart when her husband stopped her. He stated, “We don’t need any mustard. We have at at least 2 bottles at home. Put it back.” She said, “It’s no big deal it’s only mustard.” He said, “We don’t need it. Put it back.” She said, “It’s only a few dollars, what will it hurt to have extra?” He demanded that she put the mustard back on the shelf.
She abruptly left the grocery store and went to the car. He met her in the car. When he got there she was crying and told him she wanted a divorce.
When they got home the husband went to the refrigerator and not only were there 2 bottles of mustard in the refrigerator, but there were 3. He had been vindicated.
This couple actually did get divorced. The problem obviously was a lot more than just a bottle of mustard, but it does hit the point of how much does it cost to be right all the time?
I am sure you have met people that even when they know they are wrong they are right. I know I have. I have also met people that can never lose an argument. They always have to have the last word even when they realize they are wrong.
I wonder how many marriages, relationships and friendships are destroyed over time by these mustard type arguments? When you realize you are in an argument like the mustard argrument, and it does not matter if you win or lose, what do you do?
Get past being right. The first step is to realize you are arguing over something that in the scheme of things really does not matter and stop the argument. I am sure the husband in this story thought many times of how much the arguments over bottles of mustard cost him with losing his wife and not being with his children.
Admit you are wrong when you are wrong. This can be hard on the pride, but is losing someone’s respect and friendship worth not being able to admit you are wrong?
Apologize. It you have hurt your spouse, children, family or friends apologize and let them know you are sincerely sorry.
Please feel free to share this on your Twitter, LinkedIn and Facebook.
Be Great!
Something You Can Try For Thanksgiving
When our kids were young, my wife and I decided to have special Sunday dinners. A lot of times we would have Sunday dinners in the dining room to make them more formal. We also did this to teach the kids how to eat with the proper utensils and use proper manners, it was a mini etiquette class. There was one plate on the table however that was different than all the rest. You can see our special plate above. It has a little wear and tear on it.
We were at a store one time and there was a colorful plate that caught my eye. I had an idea. This would be the “special plate”. The special plate is a plate that only one person at the table gets.
The way the special plate works is one person gets the plate. During the meal the other people at the table go around and tell the person that has the special plate why they are special. The goal is for it to be something truly special and unique about that person, not something general. An example would be, “Aly is special because she has a huge heart and always sees the best in people”.
I will tell you this can be challenging with brothers and sisters, especially with the boys saying something nice about their sister.
If we had a guest, the special plate went to the guest. One time we had a guest over for dinner and we gave him the special plate. The family went around the table telling him why he was special. He was so moved that he started to tear up.
When it is someone’s birthday they always get the special plate. One of their gifts is to hear from the family why they are special. This is a great gift for the person being told why they are special. It’s a safe time to really express what you think is unique about that family member in a genuine way.
Get a “special plate” for your family and test it out this week. If you don’t have children at home anymore, get one for the grandchildren.
Please share this with anyone you think would benefit. Thanks.
Be Great!
Broken Together
Do you remember in the movie Jerry Maguire when Tom Cruise says the line“You complete me”? I am sure this line has been said many times by both men and women after that movie. This movie may be before some of your time. If you have not seen the movie you can catch it on iTunes or Netflix. It is worth the time to watch. There are some good life and business lessons in the movie.
Can a spouse complete another spouse? The answer is a resounding no. If you are expecting another person to complete you then you are certainly headed down a path to be extremely disappointed. God is the only one that can complete you.
One of my favorite Christian music groups, Casting Crowns has a song called Broken Together. You can watch the video here. There is a line in the song, “The only way to last forever is to be broken together.” We are broken. We have been broken since Adam and Eve and original sin. It impossible for another person to complete their spouse because we are truly broken.
Many married couples that I have talked to think that you get married to this person you are deeply in love with and everything is going to be happily ever after. Unfortunately marriage does not work this way. It is hard at times.
Marriage is a give and take. It is not a 50/50 deal. Sometimes it can even be a 100/0 deal. I think this is why so many marriages end in divorce. Many people expect the relationship to be 50/50 and when it becomes something different we tend to think things are not working the way we planned and we think it is time to get a divorce.
The biggest challenge in a marriage is the same as in business and in all other relationships. It all ties to communication and expectations. You have to talk and you have to have reasonable communicated expectations.
I don’t know about you, but I can run incredible scenarios in my mind of what I thought my wife was thinking or misinterpret what she said. Often times I can create in my mind a totally different scenario than what reality actually is.
Take time to talk to your spouse. Put away the electronics. Go for a walk if you need to, but get away from the distractions and talk about your relationship.
If you are not sure of the expectation then ask. Like I said earlier you may be thinking something entirely different than what your spouse actually meant.
Never, ever put your spouse down in public. This can be extremely hurtful and does nothing to improve a relationship.
Talk your spouse up in front of others. This has the opposite effect of the previous point.
Treat each other with respect. Respect the other persons opinion even if it is different than yours. Don’t roll your eyes or ignore your spouse.
Go on weekend getaways. Take time to be just the two of you. When you have young children this can be hard, but it is very important for couples to spend time alone together.
“The only way to last forever is to be broken together” —Casting Crowns
Be Great!
“Most people don’t lead their life, they accept it.” — John Kotter
“Live your dream, and wear your passion.” – Holstee Manifesto
How to Create Great Memories
When you get together with family or friends during holidays you will often hear the phrase “remember when we…..”. It is fun to rehash memories of special things you have done together like trips you’ve taken or vacations you have been on.
Creating memories with my family is in my plan for life. My wife and I feel it is important that you create memories with your family. We had times where we gave very small gifts at Christmas and went on a trip instead. We tend to forget about the things we get, but we do remember the trips we take as a family.
The best way to create memories is to plan them. The best memories tend to be from being on vacation or doing something special.
Creating Your Memories
- Plan a vacation with your family. If you don’t plan it, most likely it will not happen.
- Go to a special game or sporting event. Go to a game of one of your kids’ favorite teams.
- Go out to dinner at a really nice restaurant as a family. Birthdays and anniversaries are great times for a special celebration.
- Go on a mission trip. Look for a mission adventure through your church.
- Study the location you are going to before you arrive. Do online research or look for a book on your destination.
- Take lots of pictures. With iPhones and Android phones you have a camera with you at all times. It is fun to look back at pictures of the memory. The picture will take you back in time.
- Use a travel journal to record what you did. Record in either a handwritten journal or an online journal memories of your trip.
What are the memories that you have with your family? What is your favorite trip or vacation you have been on? Take time tonight at dinner during the holidays to talk about your favorite memories.