“Time is the most precious gift we have.”
Category Archives: Faith
Raising Kids That Grow Up and Still Like You
One of the great things about raising kids is watching them grow up to be adults. What is even better is when they still like you when they grow up. I am not an expert at this, but I do have some things my wife and I have done over the years. We have 4 adult children that still like us and like to do things with us.
One of the mistakes that I see people make is that they try to be friends with their kids as they are growing up. Kids don’t need another friend, they need a parent. Being a parent can be tough. The kids don’t arrive with an instruction manual.
Provide a safe environment at home. Create a bond of trust so that your kids can talk to you about anything. They need to know that the home is a safe place. They need to know that they can talk to you about anything and you are not going to berate them or get extremely mad at them for telling you things. Over the years my wife learned a lot of things from my boys that I am sure she would rather have not have known by having a safe environment to talk.
Have rules and stick to them. You have to stick to your house rules. If there is a violation of the rules they have to be enforced. I was talking to one of my relatives recently and he related a story of when his daughter was 16 and he and his wife were out of town. The daughter had a party at the house and did not think they would find out. He noticed a few things around the house and that his bagged ice was all gone. She stuck to her guns and said she did not have anyone over. When he started to take her around the house and point things out she finally broke down and told the truth. She did not get her driver’s license for 6 months as a punishment. It was hard, but he stuck to it. She was punished for having the party, but she was punished much more for having lied about it. It was a good life lesson for her.
Let them know you are not perfect. If you make a mistake admit it. Your kids need to realize that you make mistakes too. Transparency in this area is very important for creating trust.
Spend time with each of them individually. In the plan for my life I had a statement in it that I would spend time every day with my kids individually. As they got older and as I traveled more this became harder, but I still make an effort to speak to them at least weekly, if not a few times a week.
My wife and I made an effort to do things with the kids as a group and individually. There were family trips, guy trips, girl trips and times we spent taking them to events in the car by themselves.
Share life stories or lessons. When your kids are struggling or have an issue, talk it through with them, listen and relate life lessons that you may have experienced. This is a way of letting them know that they are not alone and you had struggles too
Have family dinner as frequently as possible. There is not much that bonds a family more than having a meal together. This is a time to talk about the day. A great conversation starter is to play high/low. What was the best thing that happened to you today? What is something that could have gone better that day? Mom and dad need to participate too.
Have family nights. This can be a game night or a movie night. Spend time as a family. Saturday or Sunday nights are great for these fun nights.
Pray with them. Pray as a family at meal times. Pray with your kids when you put them to bed.
Talk to your kids frequently. As you kids get older you need to learn how they like to communicate. Many kids today use texting or use an app like Snapchat or WhatsApp. Find out how they like to communicate and learn to use the application.
Please share this with anyone you feel would benefit.
Be Great!
“Become the man or woman you want to be rather than the man or woman you could have become.”
10 Ways to Create Margin in Your Life
Are you running at full speed wondering at the end of the day where your day went and feeling stressed out? Are you going from one appointment to another being consistently late for your appointments? Do you get home feeling overwhelmed from your day only to find that you have a full schedule of car pooling to your kids events?
Today this is the new “normal”. It is not a healthy way to live. It is time to create some margin in your life.
I learned a lot about margin from Dr. Dick Swenson in his excellent book Margin: Restoring Emotional, Physical, Financial, and Time Reserves to Overloaded Lives
10 Ways to Create Margin in Your Life
1. Review the family calendar on Sunday night
Take time on Sunday evenings to review the upcoming week of activities and plan your week with your spouse. Make sure you take time to plan family fun. I would highly recommend Patrick Lencioni’s book The Three Big Questions for a Frantic Family: A Leadership Fable About Restoring Sanity To The Most Important Organization In Your Life
2. Put Church on your weekly family calendar
It is important to attend church weekly and to pray daily. This is a time to worship and praise God. One of our family rules as my kids grew up was that we did not take a vacation from God because He does not take a vacation from us. When we were traveling or on vacation we always found a church to attend. I know in today’s hectic world there are sports events on Sundays. You will need to decide what is more important.
3. Set a night for date night
Pick a night during the week for you and your spouse to go out or spend time together. This does not mean you have to spend a bunch of money. There are lots of things you can do inexpensively. It may mean just going for a walk at a park or going to a coffee shop. Pick an inexpensive restaurant you both like and have dinner together. Put the phones aside and take time to talk.
4. Reduce the events your kids participate in.
Today our kids are expected to be involved in everything. This can be a huge stress on the family. Consider limiting your kids’ activities. You might consider things like only allowing one sport per season and limiting their club activities and other lessons.
5. Set up ghost appointments at work.
If you have the ability to control your schedule at work make ghost appointments. The first time I heard of ghost appointments was at a dentists office. I overheard him speaking to the receptionist and he was asking about what times he had ghost appointments. I asked him what those were. He told me they were appointments that were scheduled that allowed for emergencies and for time for him to get caught up during the day. I found this a great concept and implemented it into my own day just by scheduling appointments with myself in my calendar during the day.
6. Set your clock or watch 10 minutes early
If you find that you are consistently late for appointments try setting your watch or clock in your car 10 – 15 minutes early.
7. Set aside 3 months living expenses in a savings account
Start by putting aside 1 month of living expenses in a savings account until you build up to 3 months. This may take some discipline and some time, but it is recommended by many financial experts. It will help to reduce financial stress.
8. Plan your workout times
Many people start their day by working out to insure that they take care of their fitness first thing. Lunch time can be a good time time to get a midday break and give yourself more energy for the rest of the day. Working out is a great way to reduce stress, stay healthy and have more energy.
9. Spend some time with friends
A great way to do this when you are on a tight schedule is to go out with another couple or invite another couple over to your home. Guys I have found that women need more time with friend than we do (this may just be me). Make sure you allow her time to bond with her friends.
10. Have dinner with the Family
I know this can be very challenging today. The family dinner table is a great place to learn about how the family is doing and what is going on at school. A fun game to play is high/low. What is the best thing that happened to you today? What did not go well today? If you absolutely can’t make dinner try family breakfast. It is very important to spend time together at meals.
Be Great!
“It is all about the little things.”
Your Kids Are Watching You
Have you ever heard the song by Rodney Atkins entitled Watching You? In the song the dad is driving with his son in the truck and his son spills his fries and orange drink and says sh**. The dad wonders where he learned this and figures out it is what he says.
Leadership starts at home. Your children learn from you by watching you. They learn a lot more by doing as you do than doing as you say.
Some Do’s and Don’ts
Show signs of affection to your wife or husband in front of your children
Your children want to know that you love your spouse. They want to see that you care for each other. This gives them assurances that you love each other.
Men – Open doors for wife and let them go before you
Real Men do this. You can tell by the picture above that this has been going on for a long time. You don’t see it as frequently today. This is being respectful of your wife.
Hold Hands
There is nothing more beautiful than seeing a couple in their 70’s or 80’s walking hand in hand. When you hold hands it shows your children you are together. You are bonded.
Do special things for your spouse that your kids are aware that you did
Buy something small for your spouse and give it to your spouse in front of your kids. Give your spouse a card that your kids see. Do an act of kindness for your spouse in the presence of your children.
Pray with your spouse and your kids
Like the song your kids will copy you. They will pray on their own and they will pray when they leave home.
Hug your kids and tell them you love them
Let your kids know you love them. Dads hug your boys too. Even the big boys like it.
Pay attention to who your children are spending their time with
It is said you are the average of the 5 people you are around the most. It is extremely important that you pay attention to who your kids friends are. One of the ways to do that is create an environment that kids want to hang out at your house. Have them invite their friends over to spend time at your house so you can see who they are spending time with.
Don’t yell or belittle your spouse in front of your children
This should be avoided. Belittling makes it ok for the kids to belittle mom or dad. If one of the kids is belittling their mom it should be stopped by dad right away. This only gets worse as kids turn in to teens if you let this go.
Don’t have a fight or argue in front of your kids
Take the argument behind closed doors. Kids feel insecure when their parents fight in front of them and feel that their parents don’t love each other. In todays world with the number of parents getting divorced the kids will think you are headed down that path.
Don’t use profanity in front of your children
If you have a favorite swear word or phrase your kids will copy it. There is nothing like a 4 year old letting a 4 letter word go at the wrong time. There are over 200,000 words in the dictionary. Choose a different word or phrase to say.
I have had the privilege with my wife of raising 4 children over the last 24 years. The do’s and don’ts above are things I have learned over the years. I have been fortunate enough to see some of the benefits of these.
We see our boys treating women with respect, holding doors, letting women go first and keeping their faith. We see our girls keeping their faith and knowing how a woman should be treated by a man. They also know how a wife should treat her husband and how they respect one another.
Remember your kids are watching what you do and what you say.
Be Great!
“As Lent is the time for greater love, listen to Jesus’ thirst…’Repent and believe’ Jesus tells us. What are we to repent? Our indifference, our hardness of heart. What are we to believe? Jesus thirsts even now, in your heart and in the poor — He knows your weakness. He wants only your love, wants only the chance to love you.” — Blessed Teresa of Calcutta
Living in Gratitude
What are your daily gratitude habits? Do you take time to review what you are grateful for every day?
Developing gratitude is easier said than done. It takes discipline to develop gratitude. Here are some ways to help develop your gratitude.
Start a gratitude list
This is a list that has things you are grateful for such as your health, the home or apartment you live in, your spouse, friends, talents that you have, your job, etc. Review this list as frequently as you would like. Your morning reflection time is a great time to review your gratitude list.
Start a gratitude journal
This is a journal to record what you are grateful for during the day or the week. This is yours so you can use it daily, several times a week or weekly. Some people like to keep the journal in written form while others like to use electronic formats. My favorite electronic format is Day One online journal . It is available in iTunes. The nice thing is that it syncs between all your devices. You can also take pictures for memories.
Gratitude Letter or Recording
Send a letter or a voice recording to someone that you are grateful for in you life and why you are grateful. This is extremely powerful and will have an impact on that persons day. You could even record a video to make it even more personal.
I strongly encourage you to start today with this video called “A Good Day” with Brother David Steindl-Rast. It will change the way you look at your day. Just click on “A Good Day” above to go to the video.
Brother Steindl-Rast has a website Gratefulness.org. He has a lot of material on gratitude on the site. You might also enjoy his TEDx talk Want to be happy? Be grateful.
Leading researcher on gratitude, Robert A. Emmons PhD, psychology professor and researcher, University of California, Davis has an excellent book to help you to develop a habit of gratitude. The book Gratitude Works!: A 21-Day Program for Creating Emotional Prosperity is an excellent way to help you get started on a gratitude journey.
Dr. Emmons has an excellent website. There is a Gratitude Questionairre that you can take to measure your gratitude.
Some Key Benefits of Gratitude
- Healthier
- Reduced Stress
- Better Immune Function
- Improved Relationships
- Better Sleep
- Content with what you have
One of the best places to reflect on gratitude is in the outdoors. It may be at sunrise or sunset. It may be overlooking a lake, the ocean or looking at mountains. Many people get a better sense of what to be thankful for when they are observing nature.
Some of my best lessons in gratitude have been on mission trips. I went with my wife and my two youngest children on a trip to Haiti. It was 3 years after the earthquake.
The streets were still in shambles. Thousands of people were living in tent cities. There was limited power. There was gunfire going off all night. There was no hot water and you certainly did not want to drink the water.
We worked with the Missionaries of Charity at a home for the dying. We saw children and adults dying from tuberculosis and AIDS. My son gave the young boy pictured above his favorite Boston Red Sox hat at the home.
We worked at a wounds clinic. There were patients that walked miles to get treated. Many of them would have been in a hospital if they were in the United States. If they had clean water and soap these wounds would have never festered and become as horrible as they were. We worked at an orphanage that had children with illnesses that could have been cured with access to doctors and the proper medications.
Upon returning from this trip I reflected on how much material things my family and I have and all the blessings we have. There was certainly a lot to contemplate and be thankful for. We live in a country that has freedoms. We have clean water coming out of a tap. It can be hot or cold. We have electricity at the flip of a switch. We have air conditioning for hot weather and heat for cold weather. We can go to the grocery store and buy just about any kind of food we could want.
“If you are grateful you act out of a sense of enough and not a sense of scarcity.” —Br. David Steindl-Rast
“I am just a common man who is true to his beliefs.” — John Wooden
8 Daily Disciplines
Over the years I have learned to live life intentionally you have to be disciplined. I learned about creating daily disciplines from John Wooden in his book Wooden: A Lifetime of Observations and Reflections On and Off the Court and from John Maxwell in his book Today Matters.
These are my daily disciplines. I have these on my desk and in the notebook that I use for taking notes throughout the day. I review these disciplines every morning before starting the day.
Daily Disciplines
- Today……………….I will pray and deepen my relationship with Christ
- Today……………….I will strive to keep my attitude positive
- Today……………….I will spend time with my wife and kids
- Today……………….I will eat healthy and workout at least 30 minutes
- Today……………….I will properly manage my finances
- Today……………….I will be a friend
- Today………………. I will create memories
- Today………………. I will make good decisions based on my core convictions
One day these todays will be a lifetime of days well lived.
What are your disciplines? Make your list today. It will change the way you go through the rest of your day and it will lead to a life well lived!