Category Archives: Friends

Posted on

Are you dating your spouse?

26416417_m

Many couples have a date night every week. This is a special night every week that the couple goes out and does something together.

Date nights for many couples are nights marked on the calendar that are kept no matter what.   These are important. They allow the couple to have time together to talk and spend time alone.

Another form of this are date weekends.  Couples should get away at least 3 – 4 times a year. This may be a staycation. Somebody takes the kids and you just stay at your own place alone for the weekend.

It could be a night or two at a local hotel or resort. This can also be a weekend get away out of town.  My wife and I recently did one of these and we had a great weekend.

If you have young children sometimes a date night or date weekend can be hard to fit in. The date moment is the perfect solution. I think every couple with young kids or older with no kids at home should work date moments in to their daily routines. Date moments can be 60 seconds to 30 minutes of spending time together.  Date moments help to keep relationships alive and healthy. Here are a few ideas.

Creative Date Moments

  • A passionate kiss when you get home
  • Slow Dance in the kitchen to your wife’s favorite song
  • A quick prayer together
  • Deck or Patio time after the kids go to bed
  • A text or call during the day to see how the day is going and let them know you miss them
  • Fire Pit time
  • A bubble bath
  • Drinking a glass of wine or your favorite beverage together
  • Stopping and getting coffee on your way to an event or the store
  • The time before your kids games or events in the car/truck to talk or listen to music
  • Talk after the kids go to bed without the TV on
  • Take a walk around the block
  • Feed the kids and then eat dinner alone together
  • Write a note or card to your spouse
  • Intimate time after the kids are in bed

These are just a few ideas. I would be interested to hear about your date moment ideas. Please share this on your Facebook or Twitter.

Be Great!

Posted on

It’s Not Always About the Mustard

11066921_m

I was recently with Steve Scanlon CEO of Rewire, Inc. Steve has a company that specializes in Emotional Intelligence and transforming our Lizard Brains. They work on transformation and positive change made possible through understanding the surprising truth about what motivates us and then teaching how to rewire the way we think.

We were discussing a tendency that a lot of us men have, and that is having to be right a majority of the time. Steve shared a story with me about a conversation he had with a client years ago.

There was a husband and wife at the grocery store. She was going to put a bottle of mustard in the cart when her husband stopped her. He stated, “We don’t need any mustard. We have at at least 2 bottles at home. Put it back.” She said, “It’s no big deal it’s only mustard.” He said, “We don’t need it. Put it back.” She said, “It’s only a few dollars, what will it hurt to have extra?” He demanded that she put the mustard back on the shelf.

She abruptly left the grocery store and went to the car. He met her in the car. When he got there she was crying and told him she wanted a divorce.

When they got home the husband went to the refrigerator and not only were there 2 bottles of mustard in the refrigerator, but there were 3. He had been vindicated.

This couple actually did get divorced. The problem obviously was a lot more than just a bottle of mustard, but it does hit the point of how much does it cost to be right all the time?

I am sure you have met people that even when they know they are wrong they are right. I know I have.  I have also met people that can never lose an argument. They always have to have the last word even when they realize they are wrong.

I wonder how many marriages, relationships and friendships are destroyed over time by these mustard type arguments? When you realize you are in an argument like the mustard argrument, and it does not matter if you win or lose, what do you do?

Get past being right. The first step is to realize you are arguing over something that in the scheme of things really does not matter and stop the argument. I am sure the husband in this story thought many times of how much the arguments over bottles of mustard cost him with losing his wife and not being with his children.

Admit you are wrong when you are wrong. This can be hard on the pride, but is losing someone’s respect and friendship worth not being able to admit you are wrong?

Apologize. It you have hurt your spouse, children, family or friends apologize and let them know you are sincerely sorry.

Please feel free to share this on your Twitter, LinkedIn and Facebook.

Be Great!

“If you do not prioritize your own time, other people will do it for you.”

“A life isn’t significant except for its impact on other lives.” — Jackie Robinson

Posted on

Broken Together

Broken Together

Do you remember in the movie Jerry Maguire when Tom Cruise says the line“You complete me”? I am sure this line has been said many times by both men and women after that movie. This movie may be before some of your time. If you have not seen the movie you can catch it on iTunes or Netflix. It is worth the time to watch. There are some good life and business lessons in the movie.

Can a spouse complete another spouse? The answer is a resounding no. If you are expecting another person to complete you then you are certainly headed down a path to be extremely disappointed. God is the only one that can complete you.

One of my favorite Christian music groups, Casting Crowns has a song called Broken Together. You can watch the video here. There is a line in the song, “The only way to last forever is to be broken together.” We are broken. We have been broken since Adam and Eve and original sin. It impossible for another person to complete their spouse because we are truly broken.

Many married couples that I have talked to think that you get married to this person you are deeply in love with and everything is going to be happily ever after. Unfortunately marriage does not work this way. It is hard at times.

Marriage is a give and take. It is not a 50/50 deal. Sometimes it can even be a 100/0 deal. I think this is why so many marriages end in divorce. Many people expect the relationship to be 50/50 and when it becomes something different we tend to think things are not working the way we planned and we think it is time to get a divorce.

The biggest challenge in a marriage is the same as in business and in all other relationships. It all ties to communication and expectations. You have to talk and you have to have reasonable communicated expectations.

I don’t know about you, but I can run incredible scenarios in my mind of what I thought my wife was thinking or misinterpret what she said. Often times I can create in my mind a totally different scenario than what reality actually is.

Take time to talk to your spouse. Put away the electronics. Go for a walk if you need to, but get away from the distractions and talk about your relationship.
If you are not sure of the expectation then ask. Like I said earlier you may be thinking something entirely different than what your spouse actually meant.
Never, ever put your spouse down in public. This can be extremely hurtful and does nothing to improve a relationship.
Talk your spouse up in front of others. This has the opposite effect of the previous point.
Treat each other with respect. Respect the other persons opinion even if it is different than yours. Don’t roll your eyes or ignore your spouse.
Go on weekend getaways. Take time to be just the two of you. When you have young children this can be hard, but it is very important for couples to spend time alone together.

“The only way to last forever is to be broken together” —Casting Crowns

Be Great!

Posted on

Building Stronger Relationships

13317975_m

 

How many strong relationships do you have? British anthropologist Robin Dunbar found that we could only comfortably maintain about 150 stable relationships. We certainly can’t have 150 strong relationships, but we can all get better at developing relationships with friends and people we want to get to know better.

Today we seem to be so busy that we don’t make time to develop strong relationships. We have work, kids activities, outside interests and other things that take our time and attention.

We can all get better at building stronger relationships. To build strong relationships we need to know about the person and we need to maintain contact.

How many of these can you answer about your close friends?

  • What are the names of their kids?
  • Where do they go to school?
  • How old are they?
  • What activities are they involved in?
  • What is the name and occupation of their Spouse/Significant Other?
  • What hobbies do they have?
  • What they do for fun?
  • What they do on their job?
  • Where are they from?
  • What college did they attend?
  • What are their favorite foods?
  • What do they like to drink?
  • What is their favorite restaurant?

This is just a starter list. The more you know about someone the stronger the relationship.

To develop and maintain close relationships with friends we also need to stay connected. How often do you reach out to connect to your close friends? Do you contact them or do they contact you? Friendships where one person is always making the contact tend to diminish over time. Make sure that you reach out to connect as often as the other person to maintain your close friendships.

Ways to connect with your relationships

  • Send a handwritten note in the mail. Hand written notes are a lost art. They are very powerful. People will tend to save a handwritten note.
  • Go to lunch or coffee. Face to face connection is the best way to connect and spend time.
  • Call on the phone. A phone call is a great way to talk when you are unable to meet face to face.
  • Send a text. Texts are good to just ask “how are you” or “I was just thinking about you today”
  • Send a card in the mail. Let them know you were thinking about them. People still like to get cards in the mail.
  • Send an email to check in. A quick email can be used like a text.

Today there are social media ways to connect too, but they are not as personal as the list of ways to connect above. Social media can be used when you are both online.

One of the keys to strong relationships and friendships is being there when a friend needs someone to talk to or just to be with. Everyone goes through things in life like illness, divorce, death and loss of jobs. It is during these times that people learn who their friends are. Be there for your friends.

Compliment your friends often and lift them up when you can. Really good friends bring out the best in each other and challenge each other to be their best.

Be Great!

Posted on

How to Reduce the Time You Spend on Your Smart Phone

27641743_m
How much time do you spend on email, texting and social media per day? I know some of you get over 150 emails a day, have multiple calls and conference calls every day, manage social media sites and are constantly multitasking with different technological devices.

The average person who uses a computer for work checks email 37 times per day. Every time you check email you have to reengage with what you were focused on prior to answering the sound or pop up.

Have you ever been out to a restaurant and noticed how many people are talking on their phones, texting or surfing the web? I was recently at a business lunch with 12 people, 10 of the 12 were on their cell phones checking email at the same time during the meal. Do you think they were engaged in the conversation?

Signs that You Spend Too Much Time on Your Smart Phone

1. You spend hours a day on your phone texting, on calls and checking social media.
2. You check your cell phone more than 5 times per hour
3. Your spouse or kids are texting you when you are in the same room.
4. You are out to lunch or dinner with your spouse or friends and you spend more time on the phone than talking with your spouse or friends.
5. You have to take your phone to bed with you to make sure you don’t miss a text or email during the night.

How to Reduce the Time You Spend on Your Smart Phone

1. Shut off notifications for Email, Texts. You can put your phone on do not disturb or night mode.
2. Don’t check work email after you get home or set a time if you work from home. Check your email before you get home.
3. Block out time in your calendar for times of the day you check email and social media sites. Take 15 minute increments during the day to return emails and check social media.
4. Leave cell phones, tablets and computers out of the bedroom. One exception would be using a tablet or Kindle if you read before bed. The other situation is some of you have kids that are out with friends and you want to be accessible. Once they get home turn the phone off.
5. Limit time on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn. Block times to do social media during the day. You want to avoid letting these sites consume you. Set a time limit.
6. Shut your phone off at night. Again you might have exceptions to this if you are on call or have kids out with friends.
7. Don’t text and drive. This is extremely dangerous. Look around you as you are driving down the interstate. How many people do you see on their phones texting? What is really scary is when they have a cup of coffee one hand, their phone in the other and they are the driver.

At dinner tonight turn off all the cell phones and put them on the counter before you go to the table. If you are out to dinner with business associates, friends or family turn the phone off or put it on do not disturb. Be present with the person or people you are with.

Please share this with someone you feel might benefit.

Be Great!

“Live your dream, and wear your passion.” – Holstee Manifesto

“Time is the most precious gift we have.”

“Become the man or woman you want to be rather than the man or woman you could have become.”