Category Archives: Leadership
Do What You Can
Lessons from Haiti
I recently returned from a mission trip in Haiti with Mission Youth Missions I attended the mission with my amazing wife Donna and my 2 awesome daughters Katie and Aly. We had a group of mostly Benedictine College students that my wife and youngest daughter helped organize.
This was my second time in Haiti. It was very encouraging to see the progress that has been made in the country since 2013. There are more paved roads. Businesses like Toms shoes have started factories in Port-au-Prince and there are lots of construction projects going on.
Haiti was thoroughly unprepared when the 7.0 magnitude earthquake hit on January 12, 2010. The earthquake devastated the island, leaving millions homeless. Death toll estimates vary anywhere from 220,000 to 316,000. Over one million people were initially displaced, and about 500,000 remain homeless today.
The country was devastated by the earthquake. Experts say that it will be another 10 years before “serious results” can finally be seen.
86% of people in Port au Prince are living in slum conditions
80% of education in Haiti is provided in often poor-quality private schools
Half of people in Port-au-Prince have no access to latrines and only one-third have access to tap water
Haiti is an extremely poor country that I would call a 4th world country. The average wage is $3 (US) per day.
Even though it is a poor country in terms of world economics, it is a wealthy country in other ways.
The sun rises in Haiti every morning just like it does everywhere else in the world and it is truly beautiful. The people in Haiti value relationships, they are happy, they dress very well and dress up in their best clothes on Sunday. They put the U.S. to shame on how they dress on Sundays to go to church.
The ocean and mountains provide fantastic scenery. It is a country that given the right government and opportunities could thrive. The country has all the natural resources needed to succeed financially.
Here are some lessons I have learned.
Be Flexible. Schedules can change at any time. The game plan on any mission trip can be to be at someplace tomorrow only to learn that it is not going to work out and a new plan needs to be made.
Be Adaptable. Can you imagine scraping paint off baby cribs with a steak knife? This is exactly what we did at the Missionaries of Charity children’s home. You don’t always have the best tools to do a job. You make do with what tools you have available. I am sure when the sisters got steak knives donated to them they thought how can we use these?
Gratitude. It is hard to not be thankful for all that we have in the United States. To be born in the U.S. is like winning the genetic lottery. We don’t realize how fortunate we are to have all that we have. We can turn the faucet on and have hot clean water. We can go to a grocery store and obtain anything we want to eat. Even our poor are rich in countries like Haiti.
Selflessness. Humbly taking care of someone you don’t know with human compassion. You play with kids, feed babies, change diapers, clean wounds, rub someones back or lotion their hands and feet. Haitians speak French Creole, we speak Enlgish. You can only communicate with them through the language of love. You look into their eyes or use hand signals and immediately you understand one another.
Sacrifice. This takes on many forms. There is sacrifice of not eating the foods you enjoy, taking cold showers with unclean water, sleeping in uncomfortable bedding, sleeping on floors, laughing geckos at night, ants in your bed, roosters crowing at all hours, 3 inch cock roaches in the shower and lots of mosquitoes. This pales in comparison to the people of Haiti that are living in tents and makeshift housing every single day.
Choices. Like many things in life there are choices. It usually boils down to two. You can complain about the circumstances you are in or you can make the best with what you have and just move forward.
Pray Hard. It takes a lot of prayer when you are on a mission to give you strength and to help you to make it through the day sometimes. It can be extremely emotional to see children die and to see children and adults in pain when you are unable to do anything to help them. The only thing you can do is pray for them.
These are just some of the lessons I learned. Every time I go on a mission trip I learn more from the people and am given much more than I give.
Be Great!
“Within you is a stillness and a sanctuary to which you can retreat at any time and be your yourself.” –Hermann Hesse
“If you have thoughts of Christ they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.” – Donna Garrett
“The more you give, the more you will receive and have.”
The Language of Love
“The object of love is not getting something you want, but doing something for the well-being of the one you love.” – Gary Chapman
Gary Chapman wrote an excellent book titled The Five Love Languages, The Secret to Love That Lasts. Every couple should know the 5 love languages and which ones are their spouses top 2. It is also important to know the love language of your children as well.
The 5 love languages are Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Gifts, Acts of Service and Physical Touch. All of us have a little of each of these love languages, but we all tend to have one or two dominant love languages. Here are some ideas that have been adapted from the book to help show love in each of the languages.
1. Words of Affirmation.
- If this is your spouse or child’s love language continue to remind yourself that words are important to them
- Keep track of what words of affirmation you gave each day for a week. Keep yourself accountable
- Set a goal to give your spouse or child a positive affirmation daily for a month
- Listen to hear how others give positive statements and write them down or keep them electronically
- Write a love note or card
- Compliment your spouse or child in front of their friends
- Tell your spouse how much you appreciate their strengths or something they have accomplished
- Tell your children how great their mom or dad is
- I included children in this one because they need the affirmation, especially your daughters. A father’s affirmation has a huge impact on a young girl’s self confidence and self esteem. Boy’s are tough, but they like to hear positive affirmations from their parents too.
2. Quality Time
- Take a walk together. Go to a park or a trail
- Plan a weekly date night and do the things your spouse likes to do
- Buy tickets to something your spouse enjoys
- Go on a weekend get away
- Share your days events with each other
- Take time to sit down and talk every day
- Talk about your favorite memories about things you have done and places you have traveled
- Have date moments
3. Receiving Gifts
- Fill his or her love tank. Provide a series of gifts in a day.
- Pick a flower as you are going on a walk and give it to your wife
- Give a small gift every day for a week
- Keep a gift idea log written or electronic
- Record his or her sizes for gift shopping
- Choose a book and read it together
- Give a gift to charity in your spouse’s name or honor
- Take your spouse to his or her favorite restaurant
- A favorite candy/food or a book works just as well as something expensive
4. Acts of Service
- Write down all the requests your spouse has requested from you to do around the house and do some of them
- Give your spouse a love note accompanied with an act of service
- Do a chore around the house that your spouse does not enjoy
- Fix something or do a chore that your spouse has complained about. If you don’t have the time or expertise hire someone to do it for you
- Ask your spouse what they need done around the house
5. Physical Touch
- Hold your spouses hand
- Touch your spouse at different times during the day or evening
- Give your spouse a back or foot rub
- Give your spouse a shoulder massage
- Give your spouse a hug and kiss when they get home
- Hug your spouse, especially in front of your children. It tends to embarrass them, but it also gives them the comfort that you love each other
- Hold your spouses hand or put your arm around him or her when you are out with friends
- Enjoy intimacy with your spouse
Take the Five Love Languages profile. There is a profile for husbands and a separate profile for wives. You will receive an email with the ranking of your top 5 Love Languages. This gives you the opportunity to talk to your spouse about what his or her love languages are and will help you to work on them.
Remember that relationships are built more around giving than receiving. Lots of relationships and marriages fall apart because one spouse was a good receiver and did not give much back to the other spouse. Relationships are never 50/50. They can be 100/0 at times, but 100/0 relationships are not built to last.
Learn your spouse’s and children’s love languages and you will be on your way to more fulfilling love relationships.
Please share this with someone you think might get some value.
Be Great!
“It’s not what you think you are that holds you back, it’s what you think you are not.”
Time Tested Travel Tips
I have traveled quite a bit over the last 10 years. There are a few things I have learned to make travel safer and easier.
One of the best decisions I made was to get TSA Precheck. The cost is only $85 and it saves time getting through security at the airport. You get to keep your shoes, belts and jackets on as well. If you travel internationally the Global Entry Program makes re-entering the United States much easier. The cost of Global Entry is $100.
I keep a travel folder in my carry-on bag. The folder is a plastic folder that I print and keep my flight information, rental car reservation and hotel reservations. I also keep a photocopy of my passport in the folder in case I were to lose my passport. It’s always a good idea to leave a copy of your itinerary with someone.
I carry my driver’s license in my wallet and I bring my passport as a backup photo id. I carry the passport in my backpack or briefcase. Inside my passport I keep a credit card and cash in case my wallet is lost or stolen during travel.
When I park at the airport I like to park inside to avoid any potential damage to my vehicle. I live in an area that has hail, snow and ice storms. I take a picture of the sign for the level and area I parked to remember where I parked. There are some airline apps that have a feature to mark where you parked as well.
I do recommend downloading the apps for the airlines you use most frequently. You can get gate info and your boarding pass on the app. If you have an iPhone you can save the boarding pass to your Passbook app.
If you spend a lot of time in airports joining one of the clubs is a good idea. They are a good place to relax and the chairs are very comfortable. Many of them have free snack food and beverages. They have nice bathrooms, some with showers. Most of them have work stations available too. The American Express Centurion Lounges are extremely nice. They are only in New York, Dallas, San Francisco and Las Vegas at this time. These are great for longer layovers.
I travel with a backpack. I have found that by putting the load on both shoulders rather than one is easier on my back. I use a Tumi backpack. I have had it for several years and it has held up well. It has plenty of room with plenty of pockets and I can actually carry two laptops. It has a zippered pouch for the laptop so you don’t have to remove it from the bag at most security check points.
If you are traveling with a companion, check to see how full the flight is when you book it. If the plane has lots of seating available, and has three seat rows, book the two outside seats leaving the middle seat empty. Many times you will have an extra empty seat in the middle giving you extra room.
It works well to carry on bags to save time and not have to worry about losing your bag. I use a 22” Eagle Creek suitcase. I also use the Eagle Creek Pack Bags to hold my shirts, underwear, socks and workout gear.
To make it easier to get your bag on and off the plane put your bag in the overhead across from your seating. It is much easier to get your bag out than to have it above your seat.
I always carry extra power sources and power cords. I keep a portable external battery charger in case I am running low on power on my iPhone or iPad. They work for android devices as well. I like to keep these in a separate bag with all the cords and chargers in my backpack.
When traveling you never know when you are going to have delays and at times you may miss a meal or two. I like to carry two protein bars and some almonds in a plastic bag just in case I am running tight on connections. I also carry Starbucks Via instant coffee packs. They come in quite a few flavors. All you need is hot water and you have some good coffee.
If you are traveling over the weekend plan out the church you are going to attend. There are lots of websites to do this. For my Catholic friends you can find mass times at masstimes.org.
I hope these ideas help you on your next trip.
Be Great!
Are you dating your spouse?
Many couples have a date night every week. This is a special night every week that the couple goes out and does something together.
Date nights for many couples are nights marked on the calendar that are kept no matter what. These are important. They allow the couple to have time together to talk and spend time alone.
Another form of this are date weekends. Couples should get away at least 3 – 4 times a year. This may be a staycation. Somebody takes the kids and you just stay at your own place alone for the weekend.
It could be a night or two at a local hotel or resort. This can also be a weekend get away out of town. My wife and I recently did one of these and we had a great weekend.
If you have young children sometimes a date night or date weekend can be hard to fit in. The date moment is the perfect solution. I think every couple with young kids or older with no kids at home should work date moments in to their daily routines. Date moments can be 60 seconds to 30 minutes of spending time together. Date moments help to keep relationships alive and healthy. Here are a few ideas.
Creative Date Moments
- A passionate kiss when you get home
- Slow Dance in the kitchen to your wife’s favorite song
- A quick prayer together
- Deck or Patio time after the kids go to bed
- A text or call during the day to see how the day is going and let them know you miss them
- Fire Pit time
- A bubble bath
- Drinking a glass of wine or your favorite beverage together
- Stopping and getting coffee on your way to an event or the store
- The time before your kids games or events in the car/truck to talk or listen to music
- Talk after the kids go to bed without the TV on
- Take a walk around the block
- Feed the kids and then eat dinner alone together
- Write a note or card to your spouse
- Intimate time after the kids are in bed
These are just a few ideas. I would be interested to hear about your date moment ideas. Please share this on your Facebook or Twitter.