“Stop actually thinking about winning and losing and instead focus on those daily activities that cause success.” –Nick Saban
Category Archives: Leadership
It’s Not Always About the Mustard
I was recently with Steve Scanlon CEO of Rewire, Inc. Steve has a company that specializes in Emotional Intelligence and transforming our Lizard Brains. They work on transformation and positive change made possible through understanding the surprising truth about what motivates us and then teaching how to rewire the way we think.
We were discussing a tendency that a lot of us men have, and that is having to be right a majority of the time. Steve shared a story with me about a conversation he had with a client years ago.
There was a husband and wife at the grocery store. She was going to put a bottle of mustard in the cart when her husband stopped her. He stated, “We don’t need any mustard. We have at at least 2 bottles at home. Put it back.” She said, “It’s no big deal it’s only mustard.” He said, “We don’t need it. Put it back.” She said, “It’s only a few dollars, what will it hurt to have extra?” He demanded that she put the mustard back on the shelf.
She abruptly left the grocery store and went to the car. He met her in the car. When he got there she was crying and told him she wanted a divorce.
When they got home the husband went to the refrigerator and not only were there 2 bottles of mustard in the refrigerator, but there were 3. He had been vindicated.
This couple actually did get divorced. The problem obviously was a lot more than just a bottle of mustard, but it does hit the point of how much does it cost to be right all the time?
I am sure you have met people that even when they know they are wrong they are right. I know I have. I have also met people that can never lose an argument. They always have to have the last word even when they realize they are wrong.
I wonder how many marriages, relationships and friendships are destroyed over time by these mustard type arguments? When you realize you are in an argument like the mustard argrument, and it does not matter if you win or lose, what do you do?
Get past being right. The first step is to realize you are arguing over something that in the scheme of things really does not matter and stop the argument. I am sure the husband in this story thought many times of how much the arguments over bottles of mustard cost him with losing his wife and not being with his children.
Admit you are wrong when you are wrong. This can be hard on the pride, but is losing someone’s respect and friendship worth not being able to admit you are wrong?
Apologize. It you have hurt your spouse, children, family or friends apologize and let them know you are sincerely sorry.
Please feel free to share this on your Twitter, LinkedIn and Facebook.
Be Great!
“If you do not prioritize your own time, other people will do it for you.”
“A life isn’t significant except for its impact on other lives.” — Jackie Robinson
“Most people don’t lead their life, they accept it.” — John Kotter
How to Reduce the Time You Spend on Your Smart Phone
How much time do you spend on email, texting and social media per day? I know some of you get over 150 emails a day, have multiple calls and conference calls every day, manage social media sites and are constantly multitasking with different technological devices.
The average person who uses a computer for work checks email 37 times per day. Every time you check email you have to reengage with what you were focused on prior to answering the sound or pop up.
Have you ever been out to a restaurant and noticed how many people are talking on their phones, texting or surfing the web? I was recently at a business lunch with 12 people, 10 of the 12 were on their cell phones checking email at the same time during the meal. Do you think they were engaged in the conversation?
Signs that You Spend Too Much Time on Your Smart Phone
1. You spend hours a day on your phone texting, on calls and checking social media.
2. You check your cell phone more than 5 times per hour
3. Your spouse or kids are texting you when you are in the same room.
4. You are out to lunch or dinner with your spouse or friends and you spend more time on the phone than talking with your spouse or friends.
5. You have to take your phone to bed with you to make sure you don’t miss a text or email during the night.
How to Reduce the Time You Spend on Your Smart Phone
1. Shut off notifications for Email, Texts. You can put your phone on do not disturb or night mode.
2. Don’t check work email after you get home or set a time if you work from home. Check your email before you get home.
3. Block out time in your calendar for times of the day you check email and social media sites. Take 15 minute increments during the day to return emails and check social media.
4. Leave cell phones, tablets and computers out of the bedroom. One exception would be using a tablet or Kindle if you read before bed. The other situation is some of you have kids that are out with friends and you want to be accessible. Once they get home turn the phone off.
5. Limit time on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn. Block times to do social media during the day. You want to avoid letting these sites consume you. Set a time limit.
6. Shut your phone off at night. Again you might have exceptions to this if you are on call or have kids out with friends.
7. Don’t text and drive. This is extremely dangerous. Look around you as you are driving down the interstate. How many people do you see on their phones texting? What is really scary is when they have a cup of coffee one hand, their phone in the other and they are the driver.
At dinner tonight turn off all the cell phones and put them on the counter before you go to the table. If you are out to dinner with business associates, friends or family turn the phone off or put it on do not disturb. Be present with the person or people you are with.
Please share this with someone you feel might benefit.
Be Great!
“Time is the most precious gift we have.”
Raising Kids That Grow Up and Still Like You
One of the great things about raising kids is watching them grow up to be adults. What is even better is when they still like you when they grow up. I am not an expert at this, but I do have some things my wife and I have done over the years. We have 4 adult children that still like us and like to do things with us.
One of the mistakes that I see people make is that they try to be friends with their kids as they are growing up. Kids don’t need another friend, they need a parent. Being a parent can be tough. The kids don’t arrive with an instruction manual.
Provide a safe environment at home. Create a bond of trust so that your kids can talk to you about anything. They need to know that the home is a safe place. They need to know that they can talk to you about anything and you are not going to berate them or get extremely mad at them for telling you things. Over the years my wife learned a lot of things from my boys that I am sure she would rather have not have known by having a safe environment to talk.
Have rules and stick to them. You have to stick to your house rules. If there is a violation of the rules they have to be enforced. I was talking to one of my relatives recently and he related a story of when his daughter was 16 and he and his wife were out of town. The daughter had a party at the house and did not think they would find out. He noticed a few things around the house and that his bagged ice was all gone. She stuck to her guns and said she did not have anyone over. When he started to take her around the house and point things out she finally broke down and told the truth. She did not get her driver’s license for 6 months as a punishment. It was hard, but he stuck to it. She was punished for having the party, but she was punished much more for having lied about it. It was a good life lesson for her.
Let them know you are not perfect. If you make a mistake admit it. Your kids need to realize that you make mistakes too. Transparency in this area is very important for creating trust.
Spend time with each of them individually. In the plan for my life I had a statement in it that I would spend time every day with my kids individually. As they got older and as I traveled more this became harder, but I still make an effort to speak to them at least weekly, if not a few times a week.
My wife and I made an effort to do things with the kids as a group and individually. There were family trips, guy trips, girl trips and times we spent taking them to events in the car by themselves.
Share life stories or lessons. When your kids are struggling or have an issue, talk it through with them, listen and relate life lessons that you may have experienced. This is a way of letting them know that they are not alone and you had struggles too
Have family dinner as frequently as possible. There is not much that bonds a family more than having a meal together. This is a time to talk about the day. A great conversation starter is to play high/low. What was the best thing that happened to you today? What is something that could have gone better that day? Mom and dad need to participate too.
Have family nights. This can be a game night or a movie night. Spend time as a family. Saturday or Sunday nights are great for these fun nights.
Pray with them. Pray as a family at meal times. Pray with your kids when you put them to bed.
Talk to your kids frequently. As you kids get older you need to learn how they like to communicate. Many kids today use texting or use an app like Snapchat or WhatsApp. Find out how they like to communicate and learn to use the application.
Please share this with anyone you feel would benefit.
Be Great!
“Become the man or woman you want to be rather than the man or woman you could have become.”
10 Ways to Create Margin in Your Life
Are you running at full speed wondering at the end of the day where your day went and feeling stressed out? Are you going from one appointment to another being consistently late for your appointments? Do you get home feeling overwhelmed from your day only to find that you have a full schedule of car pooling to your kids events?
Today this is the new “normal”. It is not a healthy way to live. It is time to create some margin in your life.
I learned a lot about margin from Dr. Dick Swenson in his excellent book Margin: Restoring Emotional, Physical, Financial, and Time Reserves to Overloaded Lives
10 Ways to Create Margin in Your Life
1. Review the family calendar on Sunday night
Take time on Sunday evenings to review the upcoming week of activities and plan your week with your spouse. Make sure you take time to plan family fun. I would highly recommend Patrick Lencioni’s book The Three Big Questions for a Frantic Family: A Leadership Fable About Restoring Sanity To The Most Important Organization In Your Life
2. Put Church on your weekly family calendar
It is important to attend church weekly and to pray daily. This is a time to worship and praise God. One of our family rules as my kids grew up was that we did not take a vacation from God because He does not take a vacation from us. When we were traveling or on vacation we always found a church to attend. I know in today’s hectic world there are sports events on Sundays. You will need to decide what is more important.
3. Set a night for date night
Pick a night during the week for you and your spouse to go out or spend time together. This does not mean you have to spend a bunch of money. There are lots of things you can do inexpensively. It may mean just going for a walk at a park or going to a coffee shop. Pick an inexpensive restaurant you both like and have dinner together. Put the phones aside and take time to talk.
4. Reduce the events your kids participate in.
Today our kids are expected to be involved in everything. This can be a huge stress on the family. Consider limiting your kids’ activities. You might consider things like only allowing one sport per season and limiting their club activities and other lessons.
5. Set up ghost appointments at work.
If you have the ability to control your schedule at work make ghost appointments. The first time I heard of ghost appointments was at a dentists office. I overheard him speaking to the receptionist and he was asking about what times he had ghost appointments. I asked him what those were. He told me they were appointments that were scheduled that allowed for emergencies and for time for him to get caught up during the day. I found this a great concept and implemented it into my own day just by scheduling appointments with myself in my calendar during the day.
6. Set your clock or watch 10 minutes early
If you find that you are consistently late for appointments try setting your watch or clock in your car 10 – 15 minutes early.
7. Set aside 3 months living expenses in a savings account
Start by putting aside 1 month of living expenses in a savings account until you build up to 3 months. This may take some discipline and some time, but it is recommended by many financial experts. It will help to reduce financial stress.
8. Plan your workout times
Many people start their day by working out to insure that they take care of their fitness first thing. Lunch time can be a good time time to get a midday break and give yourself more energy for the rest of the day. Working out is a great way to reduce stress, stay healthy and have more energy.
9. Spend some time with friends
A great way to do this when you are on a tight schedule is to go out with another couple or invite another couple over to your home. Guys I have found that women need more time with friend than we do (this may just be me). Make sure you allow her time to bond with her friends.
10. Have dinner with the Family
I know this can be very challenging today. The family dinner table is a great place to learn about how the family is doing and what is going on at school. A fun game to play is high/low. What is the best thing that happened to you today? What did not go well today? If you absolutely can’t make dinner try family breakfast. It is very important to spend time together at meals.