Monthly Archives: April 2015

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It’s Not Always About the Mustard

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I was recently with Steve Scanlon CEO of Rewire, Inc. Steve has a company that specializes in Emotional Intelligence and transforming our Lizard Brains. They work on transformation and positive change made possible through understanding the surprising truth about what motivates us and then teaching how to rewire the way we think.

We were discussing a tendency that a lot of us men have, and that is having to be right a majority of the time. Steve shared a story with me about a conversation he had with a client years ago.

There was a husband and wife at the grocery store. She was going to put a bottle of mustard in the cart when her husband stopped her. He stated, “We don’t need any mustard. We have at at least 2 bottles at home. Put it back.” She said, “It’s no big deal it’s only mustard.” He said, “We don’t need it. Put it back.” She said, “It’s only a few dollars, what will it hurt to have extra?” He demanded that she put the mustard back on the shelf.

She abruptly left the grocery store and went to the car. He met her in the car. When he got there she was crying and told him she wanted a divorce.

When they got home the husband went to the refrigerator and not only were there 2 bottles of mustard in the refrigerator, but there were 3. He had been vindicated.

This couple actually did get divorced. The problem obviously was a lot more than just a bottle of mustard, but it does hit the point of how much does it cost to be right all the time?

I am sure you have met people that even when they know they are wrong they are right. I know I have.  I have also met people that can never lose an argument. They always have to have the last word even when they realize they are wrong.

I wonder how many marriages, relationships and friendships are destroyed over time by these mustard type arguments? When you realize you are in an argument like the mustard argrument, and it does not matter if you win or lose, what do you do?

Get past being right. The first step is to realize you are arguing over something that in the scheme of things really does not matter and stop the argument. I am sure the husband in this story thought many times of how much the arguments over bottles of mustard cost him with losing his wife and not being with his children.

Admit you are wrong when you are wrong. This can be hard on the pride, but is losing someone’s respect and friendship worth not being able to admit you are wrong?

Apologize. It you have hurt your spouse, children, family or friends apologize and let them know you are sincerely sorry.

Please feel free to share this on your Twitter, LinkedIn and Facebook.

Be Great!

“If you do not prioritize your own time, other people will do it for you.”

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Something You Can Try For Thanksgiving

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When our kids were young, my wife and I decided to have special Sunday dinners.  A lot of times we would have Sunday dinners in the dining room to make them more formal. We also did this to teach the kids how to eat with the proper utensils and use proper manners, it was a mini etiquette class. There was one plate on the table however that was different than all the rest. You can see our special plate above. It has a little wear and tear on it.

We were at a store one time and there was a colorful plate that caught my eye.  I had an idea. This would be the “special plate”.  The special plate is a plate that only one person at the table gets.

The way the special plate works is one person gets the plate. During the meal the other people at the table go around and tell the person that has the special plate why they are special. The goal is for it to be something truly special and unique about that person, not something general. An example would be, “Aly is special because she has a huge heart and always sees the best in people”.

I will tell you this can be challenging with brothers and sisters, especially with the boys saying something nice about their sister.

If we had a guest, the special plate went to the guest. One time we had a guest over for dinner and we gave him the special plate. The family went around the table telling him why he was special. He was so moved that he started to tear up.

When it is someone’s birthday they always get the special plate.  One of their gifts is to hear from the family why they are special. This is a great gift for the person being told why they are special. It’s a safe time to really express what you think is unique about that family member in a genuine way.

Get a “special plate” for your family and test it out this week. If you don’t have children at home anymore, get one for the grandchildren.

Please share this with anyone you think would benefit. Thanks.

Be Great!

“A life isn’t significant except for its impact on other lives.” — Jackie Robinson

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Broken Together

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Do you remember in the movie Jerry Maguire when Tom Cruise says the line“You complete me”? I am sure this line has been said many times by both men and women after that movie. This movie may be before some of your time. If you have not seen the movie you can catch it on iTunes or Netflix. It is worth the time to watch. There are some good life and business lessons in the movie.

Can a spouse complete another spouse? The answer is a resounding no. If you are expecting another person to complete you then you are certainly headed down a path to be extremely disappointed. God is the only one that can complete you.

One of my favorite Christian music groups, Casting Crowns has a song called Broken Together. You can watch the video here. There is a line in the song, “The only way to last forever is to be broken together.” We are broken. We have been broken since Adam and Eve and original sin. It impossible for another person to complete their spouse because we are truly broken.

Many married couples that I have talked to think that you get married to this person you are deeply in love with and everything is going to be happily ever after. Unfortunately marriage does not work this way. It is hard at times.

Marriage is a give and take. It is not a 50/50 deal. Sometimes it can even be a 100/0 deal. I think this is why so many marriages end in divorce. Many people expect the relationship to be 50/50 and when it becomes something different we tend to think things are not working the way we planned and we think it is time to get a divorce.

The biggest challenge in a marriage is the same as in business and in all other relationships. It all ties to communication and expectations. You have to talk and you have to have reasonable communicated expectations.

I don’t know about you, but I can run incredible scenarios in my mind of what I thought my wife was thinking or misinterpret what she said. Often times I can create in my mind a totally different scenario than what reality actually is.

Take time to talk to your spouse. Put away the electronics. Go for a walk if you need to, but get away from the distractions and talk about your relationship.
If you are not sure of the expectation then ask. Like I said earlier you may be thinking something entirely different than what your spouse actually meant.
Never, ever put your spouse down in public. This can be extremely hurtful and does nothing to improve a relationship.
Talk your spouse up in front of others. This has the opposite effect of the previous point.
Treat each other with respect. Respect the other persons opinion even if it is different than yours. Don’t roll your eyes or ignore your spouse.
Go on weekend getaways. Take time to be just the two of you. When you have young children this can be hard, but it is very important for couples to spend time alone together.

“The only way to last forever is to be broken together” —Casting Crowns

Be Great!

“Most people don’t lead their life, they accept it.”  — John Kotter

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7 Ideas to Curb Your Appetite

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Have you ever wondered what to do when you get hungry and you are between meals? What do you do to control your appetite? Here are some simple ideas to help you.

7  Ideas to Curb Your Appetite

1. Eat a handful of almonds.  Almonds influence the production of hormones involved in the hunger-satiety cycle.  They give you a feeling of fullness. They are also considered by many to be a superfood.

2. Drink Cold Water. Drink 2 glasses of cold water. You will benefit from hydrating and flushing your body and it will make you feel full. Some times when you feel hungry you are actually dehydrated.

3. Eat a spoonful of peanut butter or almond butter.  Peanut butter and almond butter are chock full of healthy monounsaturated fat.  These fats will tend to make you feel full. Make sure to use a natural peanut butter.

4. Try putting butter in your coffee. The best butter to use is natural grass fed butter like Kerrygold butter.   You can also add coconut oil. Use a hand held blender to blend the 3 together in a separate large cup. Pour the mix in to a coffee cup and to get a little bit more of a health benefit sprinkle ceylon cinnamon on top. This coffee will keep you feeling full for several hours.

5. Eat dark chocolate. Make sure it is high quality dark chocolate. Dark chocolate is full of antioxidants. A couple of bits will take your sweet tooth away too.

6. Eat slices of avocado.  Avocados are also very high in monounsaturated fat and have many other health benefits.

7. Eat a hard boiled egg. Eggs are high in protein. Studies have shown that eggs can help control hunger for 24 hours.

Try these ideas when you get hungry between meals. You will find that they will curb your hunger and help you to eat less between meals.

Be Great!

“The will to win, the desire to succeed, the urge to reach your full potential….these are the keys that will unlock the door to personal excellence.” –Confucius

 

 

 

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Building Stronger Relationships

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How many strong relationships do you have? British anthropologist Robin Dunbar found that we could only comfortably maintain about 150 stable relationships. We certainly can’t have 150 strong relationships, but we can all get better at developing relationships with friends and people we want to get to know better.

Today we seem to be so busy that we don’t make time to develop strong relationships. We have work, kids activities, outside interests and other things that take our time and attention.

We can all get better at building stronger relationships. To build strong relationships we need to know about the person and we need to maintain contact.

How many of these can you answer about your close friends?

  • What are the names of their kids?
  • Where do they go to school?
  • How old are they?
  • What activities are they involved in?
  • What is the name and occupation of their Spouse/Significant Other?
  • What hobbies do they have?
  • What they do for fun?
  • What they do on their job?
  • Where are they from?
  • What college did they attend?
  • What are their favorite foods?
  • What do they like to drink?
  • What is their favorite restaurant?

This is just a starter list. The more you know about someone the stronger the relationship.

To develop and maintain close relationships with friends we also need to stay connected. How often do you reach out to connect to your close friends? Do you contact them or do they contact you? Friendships where one person is always making the contact tend to diminish over time. Make sure that you reach out to connect as often as the other person to maintain your close friendships.

Ways to connect with your relationships

  • Send a handwritten note in the mail. Hand written notes are a lost art. They are very powerful. People will tend to save a handwritten note.
  • Go to lunch or coffee. Face to face connection is the best way to connect and spend time.
  • Call on the phone. A phone call is a great way to talk when you are unable to meet face to face.
  • Send a text. Texts are good to just ask “how are you” or “I was just thinking about you today”
  • Send a card in the mail. Let them know you were thinking about them. People still like to get cards in the mail.
  • Send an email to check in. A quick email can be used like a text.

Today there are social media ways to connect too, but they are not as personal as the list of ways to connect above. Social media can be used when you are both online.

One of the keys to strong relationships and friendships is being there when a friend needs someone to talk to or just to be with. Everyone goes through things in life like illness, divorce, death and loss of jobs. It is during these times that people learn who their friends are. Be there for your friends.

Compliment your friends often and lift them up when you can. Really good friends bring out the best in each other and challenge each other to be their best.

Be Great!

“What you are is God’s gift to you. What you become is your gift to God.” – Matthew Kelly