My personal experience is from protecting my own marriage. I am by no means in expert in this. I have experience observing coworkers, friends and acquaintances face these challenges. It is extremely sad to see a divorce, especially when children are involved. I will show you things you can do to protect and improve your marriage.  I will also show you some things to avoid.

According to the Austin Institute for The Study of Family and Culture, the divorce rate has hovered between 40 and 50% since the 1970’s. Sixty-six (66) percent of those divorcees who wanted the divorce as much as or more than their spouse listed more than one reason for the divorce, while one in four offered 5 or more reasons. The most-cited reason for wanting a divorce was infidelity by either party at 37%. Pornography accounted for 5%.

Nearly 50% of all divorces start by a man or a woman meeting someone in a work or similar environment and becoming attracted to them. It starts out as a friendship and then the friendship develops into something more. In some cases it remains just a friendship.

In many others, the friendship starts to grow and keeps you excited and hoping to see or talk to that person. You begin to look at them differently. Like all new relationships it is fresh and can be exciting. The other person might even be speaking your love language to you in a way you do not get at home. You start to get attracted to this person more and more and trust builds. Over a period of time there becomes a mutual liking of each other at a deeper level and you start to feel connected intellectually, emotionally, spiritually and start to appreciate your mutual likenesses. You begin to trust this person and start to share intimate information. You may begin to think this person is better than your spouse in ways you appreciate. You talk more frequently by phone, text, social media and seek to find ways to meet in person. At this point you have crossed to the “danger zone” and are headed for much more than being just friends. You are headed for an affair if you are not there already.

Many people think that adultery is when you actually have intimacy with someone other than your spouse. Adultery can also occur in your thoughts and fantasies. If you daydream of having intimacy with someone other than your spouse you are in an adulterous situation.  This is one reason pornography is so dangerous.

So what do you to avoid this happening to you in your marriage? You proactively protect yourself and your marriage. I know that in today’s business world some of the ideas I provide can be very challenging. Strive to do the best you can. Here are some things to do and some things to avoid.

To Do’s

• Keep date nights every week with your spouse.
• Create date moments.
• Learn your love languages. See my blog on this.
• Take time to talk about each others day without interruptions.
• Touch base during the day with a text or phone call.
• Go on getaway weekends.
• Eat dinner as a family.
• Spend time together as a family doing fun things.
• Attend your children or grandchildren’s events together.
• Men watch your eyes. It is easy to let them wander. That lady you are looking at is somebody else’s wife, girlfriend or daughter.
• Women I know that you look at men too. Watch your eyes.
• Attend church together as a family.
• Pray together. Couples that pray together stay together.
• Call your spouse nightly or more frequently if you are on business travel.
• Plan intimacy with frequency.
• Visit your spouses office so they know who you are.
• Get an accountability partner if you are struggling in a situation.

To Avoid

• Meet with someone of the opposite sex in a closed door office if the office does not have windows to the interior. Leave the door open or have someone else in the office if there is no interior window.
• Go out to lunch or dinner with another man or woman you are not married to alone. Take another man or woman with you.
• Avoid pornography at all costs. This can be addictive and lead to other problems in a marriage.
• Avoid drinking to excess. When people drink too much they will do things they would not do when they are in control. I have witnessed situations where married men or women have gotten in situations they should not have been in thought, word or action.
• Fantasizing about someone while having intimacy with your spouse.
• Day dream about having intimacy with a person other than your spouse.
• Saying the name of a person other than your spouse during intimacy
• Flirting. All men and women do this to a degree. We were built to be attracted to the opposite sex, but these are when it goes too far.
  • Gaze into anothers eyes longer 3 or 4 seconds too long
  • Touch of the hands for a few seconds too long
  • Rub up against the person in a provocative way
  • Put your hand on their shoulder or somewhere else and keep it there
  • Put your arm around the person and leave it there for an extended time
  • Playfully continue to punch on the shoulder or somewhere else as you talk to them
  • A kiss on the cheek that is longer than a peck
  • A kiss on the lips or an open mouthed kiss
• Tell another man or woman how much better they are than your spouse.
• Tell someone of the opposite sex that is not your spouse how much you are looking forward to seeing them or spending time together.
• Tell someone that is not your spouse that you have been dreaming about them.
• Putting your spouse down in front of others with friends, in public or online in social media.
• Alienating your spouse by excessively complimenting another person of the opposite sex in front of them or friends.
• When you are on Business Travel
  • Try not to travel with someone of the opposite sex alone in the car.
  • Stay away from Hotel Bars. Many of these are where people try to “hook up”.
  • Never have someone of the opposite sex in your hotel room alone with you.
  • Avoid the adult TV movies. Ask the hotel to disconnect these if they are a temptation for you.

These are just a few ideas to try to keep your marriage protected. Please add comments with any ideas you use to protect your marriage.

Feel free to share this with someone that you might feel this would benefit.

Be Great!